Bella Ciao (Beautiful Goodbye) Appa - Suganithan

I know that I’m not good at English. But I wanted to do this for him. When I was a kid, he always comes to me with some English books and pursued me to read them and I’ve never done that. But he never gave up on that action. He always repeated with that English stuff until I finished my Advanced Level. He knew English would be the future and he wanted to prepare us to face it. I realized that after my ALs. In my very first semester of my higher studies I faced so many difficulties with my lessons. I know what is there in the syllabus but I couldn’t answer myself. Then only I realized why he tried to teach us English for years. So, I need to convey my tribute in English. Pardon me for my mistakes Appa.

I don’t know where to start all these. Alright, let’s go before 2015. During that period my world was very small. I’ve never gone to tuition for my ordinary levels. So, before 2015, my routine is going from home to school and returning from school to home. But all of my siblings were busy out there and my mother is also a working woman because of these reasons, many times Appa and I only are the ones to exist in our small apartment.

During those times, he used to tell me his old, golden ever cherishing stories, which included the funniest part of his life and the hardest times he survived. From those stories I got to know he never had an easy and safe childhood. He did not grow up along with his family. He has studied in more than three schools. He boarded somewhere. He eats so often in his very own house but for us he never hardened any situation similar, he never left us alone anywhere and he gave us everything that we needed. Appa and Amma both stood beside us in every single situation we have undergone. In that way we’re gifted. They have always listened to us; guide us; and have never missed to give independence to us. Yes, the independence given by them has helped us in many situations. I’ll come up with this little later.

He is the one who is makes tea in our house. I love to drink tea. Many times, tea is the starting point of our conversations. I always ask for tea. Per day I’ll be drinking 5 or more cups of tea. Until the day before his death he has made morning tea for me. During quarantine time Amma made tea. But that very last Friday he woke me up and poured tea for me. That cup of tea was the best tea he has ever made for me. Not only for me but also for my friends’ tea made by him was also a best memory in our house. In my smallest life, tea has a huge part. The same way he is bonded with tea. 

The conversation during tea times contains a lot of inserts. Like he shared his life events. I do share mines. Most probably I don't keep any secrets with him. When I said about my childhood crush, he smiled and always used to tell “this age always be like, and don’t struck in any point of live”. From that moment I got the guts to tell anything to anyone. He gave the moral support to me to accept or ignore; Do or don't.

Books took a major part in Appa’s life. I also like books in his way. He always read and tells stories to us since we were kids. He took us to the library and got us membership cards. Anna and I used to go and spend time there. Same way he encourages us to write stuff and he did secretly celebrate those with his friends. I just got to know that thing very lately.

He always encouraged us to interact with more and more people. Once I hate to go out with him. The reason was he was talking with everyone who passed us on roads, supermarkets, buses and events. But after I got introduced with a few more people I also started to do that thing. Then I realized how he felt when he saw a familiar person in places. He shares a few words with them. He always used to tell us every single person is worthier than a good book.

He is the first one who showed us the world and in what way the world is functioning. He taught how to live in this world. He navigates to our better future and he encouraged us to be independent. What British gave to Ceylon wasn't the pure independence but what Appa gave to us is what I will call as independence.

He let us think on our own. Let us act on our own. He came along with our decision. He never blocks our thoughts or actions but he stands out there to help us when we need him. He was the first person I started confessing anything frankly. He gave that space to us. He had faith in us. He believed our actions. While other parents never let their children go out. He gave us. He allowed us to go out not only during the day but also at night time as well. He allowed us to go out with friends, go to cinema halls, allowed to stay in friends' places. That shows his faith on us that we never went in the wrong way. We received that as independence.

Finally, I wanted to say something to him. You did everything to us. You paved our lives. You have built the best basement for our future. From here, where you left, we are going to start a new shade of life with your faith, beliefs and memories… and without you. I hope you’re the one who deserved a beautiful goodbye.

Bella Ciao Appa.

Suganithan Sivachandrathevan